Shanghai Street Smart 101

I don't really know where to begin. It's a big topic. China, land of contrasts. After five years of living here in Shanghai, here are a just few random things I've learned:

• Don't trust anyone who says your "Zhong guo hua" is "hen hao", when you said two words in Chinese.
• Time is your ally. True friendships stand the test of time. Friendship has little to do with the English language.
  
• No matter how good it smells, don't eat food off the sidewalk.
• Navigating a sidewalk in China is like herding cats. Why avoid someone when you can rub against them?
• In the bathroom, you will be evaluated.
• Don't do excursions with coworkers or wife's friends.
• Being right is always more important than being truthful.
• Stereotype and discrimination are the tools with which collectivism is hammered. What's your negative pigeonhole? You'll find out.
  

• The Chinese don't want American style government. Criticisms of "foreigners" are actually insights into the mental framework that results from Chinese society.
  
• "Face" is another word for "facade". It's something like calling Las Vegas "family friendly".
• The first Chinese you should learn is taxi directions. Always tell cab drivers exactly which roads to take.
• Don't get in cabs that want to know your destination before you get in.
  
• Best cabs: Green, Gold,White, Blue VWs. Avoid maroon, avoid buicks and other nonstandard makes. Insist on the meter.
  
• If you use a traffic card (for bus, subway and cab), put a tactile sticker on it so a thieving driver won't switch it with an empty card in the dark.
  
• Never accept a ride from a "driver" who approaches you. You'll pay 200 RMB for a 12 RMB distance.
• In tourist zones, the beggars make more money than housekeepers.
• Tourist zones are not the best place to make friends. The innocent girl inviting you for a drink has a gang of thugs waiting to extort you.

• Complaining is futile.
  
• Strangers ask you questions because they want to know if you are rich.
• What some call psychological dysfunction, is called culture in China.
• Trust is earned.
• Expect customer dissatisfaction.
• Be comfortable losing control and placing yourself in the tender mercies of those who would talk about you in your presence as if you weren't even in the room.
• Hope you like secondhand smoke, BO and cell yell.
  
• Hope you like pollution in the air, noise, light, food, and mind.
• Hope you weren't too attached to your dignity.
  
• TIC means This is China. It is the answer for all your complaints.

Ok, this is page 1 off the top of my head. Perhaps in time I will substantiate these suggestions. Feel free to add your own!

TRM